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50 Random Messages

1. "Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans."

-- Conan O'Brien
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2. "First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."

-- Epictetus
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3. "Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science."

-- Henri Poincare
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4. Strange Fact:

You lose enough dead skin cells in your lifetime to fill eight five-pound flour bags.
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5. "Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished just like grape."

-- Mr. Miyagi
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6. Scientific Fact:

Human blood travels 60,000 miles per day on its journey through the arteries, arterioles and capillaries and back through the venules and veins.
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7. Ni! Vote

8. "Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."

-- W. C. Fields
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9. "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
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10. "To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."

-- Irving Wallace
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11. "In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways."

-- Edith Wharton
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12. Historical Fact:

The first dictionary of American English was published on April 14th, 1828, by Noah Webster.
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13. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

-- Steven Wright
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14. When I woke up this morning
my girlfriend asked me,
'Did you sleep good?'

I said,
'No, I made a few mistakes.'

-- Steven Wright
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15. "In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican."

-- H. L. Mencken
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16. "Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art."

-- Tom Stoppard
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17. "A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool."

-- Joseph Roux
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18. "A witty saying proves nothing."

-- Voltaire
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19. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

-- Tiger Woods
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20. "In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is."

-- Geoffrey Cottrell
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21. "Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading."

-- G. M. Trevelyan
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22. "Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking; where it is absent, discussion is apt to become worse than useless."

-- Leo Tolstoy
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23. Strange Fact:

Dog owners in Turin, Italy can be fined up to $650 if they don't walk their dog at least three times a day.
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24. "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

-- Dorothy Parker
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25. All Polar Bears Are Lefthanded. Vote

26. "One day as I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said 'Because you came home early'."

-- Rodney Dangerfield
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27. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

-- Rodney Dangerfield
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28. "Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!"

-- Steve Martin
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29. "The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall. He frees himself and shows the way to others. Freedom and slavery are mental states."

-- Mahatma Gandhi
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30. "Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way."

-- John Stuart Mill
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31. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

-- Groucho Marx
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32. Strange Law:

A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
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33. Strange Fact:

Quotation marks have only been around for about 300 years. They're the youngest punctuation marks in the english language.
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34. "Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life."

-- Tom Waits
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35. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

-- Jack Nicholson
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36. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

-- Charlotte Whitton
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37. Strange Fact:

It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.
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38. Strange Fact:

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
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39. "Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."

-- W.C. Fields
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40. "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

-- Dave Barry
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41. "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."

-- Muhammad Ali
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42. "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

-- Lana Turner
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43. "There is nothing which can better deserve our patronage than the promotion of science and literature. Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."

-- George Washington
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44. "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."

-- Sir Winston Churchill
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45. "I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty."

-- Nancy Reagan
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46. "Words are loaded pistols."

-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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47. Brain Teaser:

There is a low railroad bridge in your town. One day you see a large truck stopped just before the underpass. When you ask what has happened, the driver tells you that his truck is one inch higher than the indicated height of the opening. This is the only road to his destination. What can he do to get through the underpass the easiest way?
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48. Scientific Fact:

A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the sun to revolve around the center of the Milky Way, about 225 million years.
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49. "Hell is other people."

-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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50. "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

-- Albert Einstein
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