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50 Random Messages
| 1. |
"People find life entirely too time-consuming."
-- Stanislaw Lec |
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| 2. |
"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left over by those who hustle."
-- Abraham Lincoln |
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| 3. |
"In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways."
-- Edith Wharton |
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| 4. |
"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather."
-- Michael Pritchard |
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| 5. |
"Democracy is an abuse of statistics."
-- Jorge Luis Borges |
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| 6. |
Strange Law:
It is illegal to marry the spouse of a grandparent in Maine, Maryland, South Carolina, and Washington, DC. |
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| 7. |
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-- Henny Youngman |
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| 8. |
I am so sick of traffic. People need to learn how to drive or get the hell off the roads. Do you ever feel like no one around you even has a driver's license? |
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| 9. |
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
-- W. C. Fields |
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| 10. |
Strange Fact:
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. |
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| 11. |
"Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule."
-- Friedrich Nietzshe |
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| 12. |
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
-- Robert Orben |
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| 13. |
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
-- Walt Disney |
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| 14. |
"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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| 15. |
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.'
He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
-- Steven Wright |
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| 16. |
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
-- Dorothy Parker |
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| 17. |
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
-- Conan O'Brien |
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| 18. |
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
-- Niels Bohr |
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| 19. |
"94.5% of all statistics are made up."
-- Woody Allen |
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| 20. |
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes |
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| 21. |
They came for the Communists, and I didn't object For I wasn't a Communist;
They came for the Socialists, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Socialist;
They came for the labor leaders, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a labor leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Jew;
Then they came for me - And there was no one left to object."
-- Martin Niemoller |
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| 22. |
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-- Jack Nicholson |
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| 23. |
"I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens."
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower |
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| 24. |
"Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science."
-- Henri Poincare |
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| 25. |
Historical Fact:
The Spanish Inquisition once condemned the entire Netherlands to death for heresy. |
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| 26. |
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
-- Dan Rather (News anchorman) |
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| 27. |
"A girl phoned me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home'. I went over. Nobody was home."
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
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| 28. |
"Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car."
-- Bill Bryson |
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| 29. |
"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."
-- Ambrose Bierce |
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| 30. |
"It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames."
-- Harry Hill |
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| 31. |
"To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person."
-- Bruce Lee |
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| 32. |
Strange Fact:
In 1990, a 64-year old Hartsville, Tennessee, woman entered a hospital for surgery for what doctors diagnosed as a tumor on her buttocks. What surgeons found, however, was a four-inch pork chop bone, which they removed. They estimated that it had been in place for five to ten years. The woman could not remember sitting on it, or eating it for that matter. |
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| 33. |
"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep."
-- Woody Allen |
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| 34. |
Historical Fact:
During the California Gold Rush of 1849 miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years it was deemed more feasible to send the shirts to Hawaii for servicing. |
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| 35. |
"The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of woman's emancipation."
-- Elizabeth Cady Stanton |
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| 36. |
Strange Fact:
During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 8.4 meters of stubble. |
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| 37. |
Strange Fact:
Your eyes are always the same size from birth but your nose and ears never stop growing. |
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| 38. |
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."
-- G. K. Chesterton |
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| 39. |
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."
-Blaise Pascal |
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| 40. |
Scientific Fact:
Females have 500 more genes than males, and because of this are protected from things like color blindness and hemophilia. |
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| 41. |
"I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother."
-- Artemus Ward |
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| 42. |
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
-- W. C. Fields |
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| 43. |
Strange Law:
In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. |
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| 44. |
Historical Fact:
Florence Nightingale served only two years of her life as a nurse. She contracted fever during her service in the Crimean War, and spent the last 50 years of her life as an invalid. |
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| 45. |
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
-- Lily Tomlin |
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| 46. |
"People change and forget to tell each other."
-- Lillian Hellman |
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| 47. |
"God, please save me from your followers!"
-- Bumper Sticker |
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| 48. |
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
-- George Carlin |
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| 49. |
Strange Fact:
You lose enough dead skin cells in your lifetime to fill eight five-pound flour bags. |
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| 50. |
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
-- Albert Einstein |
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