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50 Random Messages

1. Historical Fact:

Florence Nightingale served only two years of her life as a nurse. She contracted fever during her service in the Crimean War, and spent the last 50 years of her life as an invalid.
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2. "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

-- Ellen DeGeneres
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3. "If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place."

-- Cicero
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4. "The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."

-- Salvador Dali
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5. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

-- Oscar Wilde
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6. "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'"

-- Patricia Arquette
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7. "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."

-- Sir Winston Churchill
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8. Strange Law:

In Somalia, Africa, it's been decreed illegal to carry old chewing gum stuck on the tip of your nose.
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9. "My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair."

-- Rodney Dangerfield
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10. "Facts are stupid things."

-- Ronald Reagan
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11. "People change and forget to tell each other."

-- Lillian Hellman
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12. "When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute."

-- Steven Wright
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13. "To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong."

-- Joseph Chilton Pearce
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14. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

-- Rodney Dangerfield
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15. "Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought."

-- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
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16. "Words are loaded pistols."

-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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17. "I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens."

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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18. Interesting Fact:

The minimum age set in the U.S. Constitution for the President of the United States is 35.
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19. "A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."

-- Gore Vidal
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20. "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."

-- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
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21. "The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of woman's emancipation."

-- Elizabeth Cady Stanton
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22. "No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!"

-- Paul Giamatti (From the movie "Sideways")
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23. World Record:

Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
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24. Strange Fact:

During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 8.4 meters of stubble.
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25. "Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished just like grape."

-- Mr. Miyagi
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26. Strange Fact:

Monks in the 16th century recorded seeing a giant explosion on the side of the Moon. It most likely was a large meteor that slammed into the Moon and left a large crater.
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27. Strange Fact:

In 1990, a 64-year old Hartsville, Tennessee, woman entered a hospital for surgery for what doctors diagnosed as a tumor on her buttocks. What surgeons found, however, was a four-inch pork chop bone, which they removed. They estimated that it had been in place for five to ten years. The woman could not remember sitting on it, or eating it for that matter.
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28. "Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life."

-- Tom Waits
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29. When I woke up this morning
my girlfriend asked me,
'Did you sleep good?'

I said,
'No, I made a few mistakes.'

-- Steven Wright
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30. "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
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31. Strange Fact:

In 1972, a group of scientists reported that you could cure the common cold by freezing the big toe.
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32. "In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known."

-- Thomas Pickering
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33. Strange Fact:

London police photographed the eyes of Jack the Ripper's victims because they thought his image might be recorded in them.
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34. "All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."

-- Steven Wright
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35. "Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain."

-- Helen Keller
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36. Strange Fact:

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation.
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37. "I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."

-- Blaise Pascal
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38. Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'

-- Steven Wright
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39. "O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant."

-- William Shakespeare
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40. World Record:

Lang Martin balanced seven golf balls vertically without adhesive at Charlotte, NC on 9 February 1980.
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41. Interesting Fact:

Bill Gates' first business was Traff-O-Data, a company that created machines which recorded the number of cars passing a given point on a road.
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42. "Everything has been figured out, except how to live."

-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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43. "To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

-- Anne-Sophie Swetchine
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44. "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

-- George Gobel
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45. "My interest in the future is because I am going to spend the rest of my life there."

-- Charles F. Kettering
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46. "When pain is to borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all."

-- C. S. Lewis
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47. "94.5% of all statistics are made up."

-- Woody Allen
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48. Interesting Fact:

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch procejt at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
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49. "If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way."

-- Buddha
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50. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk?"

-- George Carlin
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