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50 Random Messages

1. "Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting."

-- Karl Wallenda
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2. "Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."

-- George Burns
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3. "No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!"

-- Paul Giamatti (From the movie "Sideways")
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4. "There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy."

-- Ambrose Bierce
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5. "I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks -- I'm not going that far'."

-- Steven Wright
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6. "War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military."

-- Georges Clemenceau
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7. "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

-- Sharon Stone
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8. "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."

-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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9. "Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office."

-- David Broder
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10. "To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."

-- Irving Wallace
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11. "If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way."

-- Buddha
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12. I am so sick of traffic. People need to learn how to drive or get the hell off the roads. Do you ever feel like no one around you even has a driver's license? Vote

13. "Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art."

-- Tom Stoppard
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14. "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."

-- Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
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15. "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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16. Strange Fact:

Between the ages of 30 and 70, you nose may lengthen and widen by as much as half an inch.
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17. Strange Fact:

If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning, before you will die of oxygen deprivation.
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18. "To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong."

-- Joseph Chilton Pearce
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19. Strange Fact:

The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you'll have a bad dream.
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20. Historical Fact:

The last words spoken from the moon were from Eugene Cernan, Commander of the Apollo 17 Mission on 11 December 1972. "As we leave the Moon at Taurus-Littrow, we leave as we came, and, God willing, we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind."
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21. "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."

-- G. K. Chesterton
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22. "O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant."

-- William Shakespeare
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23. "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

-- Mark Twain
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24. "Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking; where it is absent, discussion is apt to become worse than useless."

-- Leo Tolstoy
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25. "Not a day passes over the earth but men and women of no note do great deeds, speak great words, and suffer noble sorrows."

-- Charles Reade
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26. "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever."

-- Anonymous
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27. "To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

-- Anne-Sophie Swetchine
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28. "Never have children, only grandchildren."

-- Gore Vidal
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29. "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."

-- Albert Einstein
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30. "It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

-- Harry S. Truman
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31. "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

-- George Gobel
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32. Strange Law:

It is illegal to marry the spouse of a grandparent in Maine, Maryland, South Carolina, and Washington, DC.
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33. "John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."

-- Conan O'Brien
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34. "God, please save me from your followers!"

-- Bumper Sticker
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35. "The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall. He frees himself and shows the way to others. Freedom and slavery are mental states."

-- Mahatma Gandhi
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36. All Polar Bears Are Lefthanded. Vote

37. "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."

-Blaise Pascal
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38. Picco Development Website

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39. "Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."

-- W.C. Fields
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40. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."

-- W. C. Fields
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41. "I fear nothing, I hope nothing, I am free."

-- Nikos Kazatzakis
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42. "In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican."

-- H. L. Mencken
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43. "I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained."

-- Steven Wright
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44. "In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time."

-- Edward P. Tryon
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45. "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

-- Dorothy Parker
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46. "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

-- W. C. Fields
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47. Brain Teaser:

There is a low railroad bridge in your town. One day you see a large truck stopped just before the underpass. When you ask what has happened, the driver tells you that his truck is one inch higher than the indicated height of the opening. This is the only road to his destination. What can he do to get through the underpass the easiest way?
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48. As evil is ascending in an ever twirling spiral we await our final doom. Vote

49. "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

-- Terry Pratchett
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50. "I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

-- Groucho Marx
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