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50 Random Messages

1. "I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."

-- Blaise Pascal
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2. "Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

-- Ingrid Bergman
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3. Strange Fact:

A homing pigeon will not be able to find its way home if a magnet is attached to its neck.
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4. My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.

-- Harry S. Truman
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5. Historical Fact:

The Spanish Inquisition once condemned the entire Netherlands to death for heresy.
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6. "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

-- Jerry Seinfeld
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7. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."

-- W. C. Fields
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8. Scientific Fact:

A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the sun to revolve around the center of the Milky Way, about 225 million years.
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9. "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."

-Blaise Pascal
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10. World Record:

Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
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11. "There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval."

-- George Santayana
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12. "If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place."

-- Cicero
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13. "Regret for wasted time is more wasted time."

-- Mason Cooley
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14. "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it."

-- Thomas Jefferson
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15. "People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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16. "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

-- Terry Pratchett
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17. "A witty saying proves nothing."

-- Voltaire
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18. When I woke up this morning
my girlfriend asked me,
'Did you sleep good?'

I said,
'No, I made a few mistakes.'

-- Steven Wright
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19. "I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."

-- Umberto Eco
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20. Strange Fact:

If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning, before you will die of oxygen deprivation.
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21. "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

-- George Gobel
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22. Strange Fact:

You lose enough dead skin cells in your lifetime to fill eight five-pound flour bags.
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23. "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?"

-- Sigmund Freud
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24. Strange Fact:

If you are standing on a mountain top and the conditions are just right you can see a lit match from 50 miles away.
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25. "Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."

-- Mark Twain
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26. "My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she's reading."

-- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
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27. "Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way."

-- John Stuart Mill
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28. "To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

-- Anne-Sophie Swetchine
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29. "If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk."

-- Conan O'Brien
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30. "The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall. He frees himself and shows the way to others. Freedom and slavery are mental states."

-- Mahatma Gandhi
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31. They came for the Communists, and I didn't object For I wasn't a Communist;
They came for the Socialists, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Socialist;
They came for the labor leaders, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a labor leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Jew;
Then they came for me - And there was no one left to object."

-- Martin Niemoller
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32. "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

- Samuel L. Jackson (From the movie "Snakes on a Plane")
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33. "President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."

-- Conan O'Brien
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34. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

-- Oscar Wilde
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35. "Things are only impossible until they're not."

-- Jean-Luc Picard
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36. "Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."

-- Bertolt Brecht
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37. "There has never been a good war or a bad peace."

-- Benjamin Franklin
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38. "Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough."

-- Larry David
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39. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

-- Lily Tomlin
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40. In History:

On August 9th 1942 the U.S. - Canada border is defined by the Webster-Ashburton Treaty.
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41. "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

-- Dave Barry
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42. "I fear nothing, I hope nothing, I am free."

-- Nikos Kazatzakis
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43. "I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."

-- Shirley Temple
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44. "Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading."

-- G. M. Trevelyan
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45. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

-- Henny Youngman
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46. Interesting Fact:

Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator, probably because of the fact that it is one of the hardest programs to get running.
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47. "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."

-- Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
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48. "First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country."

-- George W. Bush, on the Kyoto accord, April 24, 2001
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49. Interesting Fact:

The last two European countries to let women vote were Switzerland (in 1971) and Leichtenstein (in 1984).
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50. "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."

-- Bertrand Russell
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