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50 Random Messages

1. "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."

-- George Bernard Shaw
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2. Strange Fact:

In 1972, a group of scientists reported that you could cure the common cold by freezing the big toe.
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3. "Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans."

-- Conan O'Brien
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4. "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'."

-- Leo Tolstoy
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5. When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

-- Steven Wright
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6. "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"

-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
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7. "The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."

-- P. J.O'Rourke
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8. "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles'."

-- Ronnie Shakes
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9. "Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure."

-- Jarger
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10. Strange Fact:

Undertakers report that human bodies do not deteriorate as quickly as they used to. The reason, they believe, is that the modern diet contains so many preservatives that these chemicals tend to prevent the body from decomposition too rapidly after death.
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11. "Well informed people know it is impossible to transmit the voice over wires and that were it possible to do so, the thing would be of no practical value."

-- Editorial in the Boston Post (1865)
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12. Strange Fact:

Quotation marks have only been around for about 300 years. They're the youngest punctuation marks in the english language.
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13. "John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."

-- Conan O'Brien
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14. "It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."

-- Jerome K. Jerome
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15. "My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."

-- Orson Welles
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16. "Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."

-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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17. "A girl phoned me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home'. I went over. Nobody was home."

-- Rodney Dangerfield
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18. They came for the Communists, and I didn't object For I wasn't a Communist;
They came for the Socialists, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Socialist;
They came for the labor leaders, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a labor leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Jew;
Then they came for me - And there was no one left to object."

-- Martin Niemoller
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19. "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

-- Dorothy Parker
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20. Interesting Fact:

Bill Gates' first business was Traff-O-Data, a company that created machines which recorded the number of cars passing a given point on a road.
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21. Strange Fact:

Approximately 16 Canadians have their appendices removed, when not required, every day.
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22. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."

-- W. C. Fields
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23. "All of us necessarily hold many casual opinions that are ludicrously wrong simply because life is far too short for us to think through even a small fraction of the topics that we come across."

-- Julian Simon
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24. "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."

-- G. K. Chesterton
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25. Hi Everyone. I just wanted everyone to know that I love Mandy. Goto myspace.com/georgiaboy1980 to see a picture of her and I. If you see this E-mail me at jones.brandon@gmail.com Vote

26. Strange Fact:

A theater manager in Seoul, Korea felt that The Sound of Music was too long, so he shortened it by cutting out all the songs.
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27. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

-- Charlotte Whitton
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28. Strange Fact:

If you were to roll a lung from a human body out flat it would be the size of a tennis court.
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29. "Not a day passes over the earth but men and women of no note do great deeds, speak great words, and suffer noble sorrows."

-- Charles Reade
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30. "Regret for wasted time is more wasted time."

-- Mason Cooley
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31. Scientific Fact:

We are about 1 cm taller in the morning than in the evening. Layers of cartilage in the joints gets compressed during the day.
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32. "I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government. I'd give it all up for one erection."

-- Groucho Marx
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33. "In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"

-- Hugh Grant
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34. Strange Fact:

At a glance, the Celsius scale makes more sense than the Fahrenheit scale for temperature measuring. But its creator, Anders Celsius, was an strange scientist. When he first developed his scale, he made freezing 100 degrees and boiling 0 degrees, or upside down. No one dared point this out to him, so fellow scientists waited until Celsius died to change the scale to what it is today.
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35. "If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place."

-- Cicero
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36. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

-- Henny Youngman
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37. Strange Fact:

If you are standing on a mountain top and the conditions are just right you can see a lit match from 50 miles away.
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38. "I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens."

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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39. "It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."

-- Sir Winston Churchill
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40. Scientific Fact:

A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the sun to revolve around the center of the Milky Way, about 225 million years.
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41. "I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother."

-- Artemus Ward
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42. "It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames."

-- Harry Hill
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43. "I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name...'"

-- Mike Binder
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44. "I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

-- J. D. Salinger
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45. Strange Fact:

By the time he died in 1910, the king of Siam had fathered 370 children.
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46. "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

-- Bertrand Russell
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47. "I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."

-- Blaise Pascal
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48. Strange Fact:

In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.
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49. "A mind once stretched by new thoughts can never regain its original shape."

-- Albert Einstein
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50. "The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows."

-- Aristotle Onassis
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