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Top 100 Messages

1. They came for the Communists, and I didn't object For I wasn't a Communist;
They came for the Socialists, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Socialist;
They came for the labor leaders, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a labor leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't object - For I wasn't a Jew;
Then they came for me - And there was no one left to object."

-- Martin Niemoller		 Vote

2. Interesting Fact:

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch procejt at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.		 Vote

3. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

-- Steven Wright		 Website

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4. "All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."

-- Steven Wright		 Vote

5. "The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution."

-- Hannah Arendt		 Vote

6. "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

-- Ellen DeGeneres		 Vote

7. "You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."

-- Jack London		 Vote

8. "I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name...'"

-- Mike Binder		 Vote

9. "Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting."

-- Karl Wallenda		 Vote

10. "Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

-- Mark Twain		 Vote

11. "In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known."

-- Thomas Pickering		 Vote

12. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

-- Rodney Dangerfield		 Vote

13. "Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."

-- W.C. Fields		 Vote

14. "We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction."

-- General Douglas MacArthur		 Vote

15. "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever."

-- Anonymous		 Vote

16. "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

-- Thomas Alva Edison		 Vote

17. Strange Fact:

During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 8.4 meters of stubble.		 Vote

18. "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

- Samuel L. Jackson (From the movie "Snakes on a Plane")		 Vote

19. Strange Law:

It's illegal in Alabama to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.		 Vote

20. Strange Fact:

The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you'll have a bad dream.		 Vote

21. Strange Fact:

The three things pregnant women dream most of during their first trimester are 1) frogs 2) worms 3) potted plants.		 Vote

22. Scientific Fact:

Time slows down near a black hole; inside it stops completely.		 Vote

23. Strange Law:

In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.		 Vote

24. "We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think."

-- Buddha		 Vote

25. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

-- Henny Youngman		 Vote

26. Strange Law:

In Saudi Arabia, a woman reportedly may divorce her husband if he does not keep her supplied with coffee.		 Vote

27. "I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

-- J. D. Salinger		 Vote

28. "When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute."

-- Steven Wright		 Vote

29. "Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."

-- George Bernard Shaw		 Vote

30. "Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!"

-- Steve Martin		 Vote

31. Strange Fact:

London police photographed the eyes of Jack the Ripper's victims because they thought his image might be recorded in them.		 Vote

32. Strange Fact:

J. Edgar Hoover liked to fire FBI agents whose palms were sweaty when shaking hands.		 Vote

33. "Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."

-- David Moulton		 Vote

34. Strange Fact:

By the time he died in 1910, the king of Siam had fathered 370 children.		 Vote

35. "Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life."

-- Tom Waits		 Vote

36. "Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter."

-- William Ralph Inge		 Vote

37. I am so sick of traffic. People need to learn how to drive or get the hell off the roads. Do you ever feel like no one around you even has a driver's license? Vote

38. "I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

-- Groucho Marx		 Vote

39. Ni! Vote

40. "If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place."

-- Cicero		 Vote

41. Strange Fact:

Your eyes are always the same size from birth but your nose and ears never stop growing.		 Vote

42. "People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson		 Vote

43. "94.5% of all statistics are made up."

-- Woody Allen		 Vote

44. "Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."

-- Mark Twain		 Vote

45. Interesting Fact:

Bill Gates' first business was Traff-O-Data, a company that created machines which recorded the number of cars passing a given point on a road.		 Vote

46. "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)		 Vote

47. "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast. The chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

-- Unknown		 Vote

48. "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."

-Blaise Pascal		 Vote

49. "We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

-- Will Rogers		 Vote

50. "The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."

-- Mark Twain		 Vote

51. "American and British troops handed out food to hundreds of Iraqis. Not surprisingly, Iraqis handed the British food back."

-- Conan O'Brien		 Vote

52. "My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, "Okay, then forget it."

-- Steven Wright		 Vote

53. "Democracy is an abuse of statistics."

-- Jorge Luis Borges		 Vote

54. World Record:

The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system, employing over a million people.		 Vote

55. "When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

-- Rodney Dangerfield		 Vote

56. "Good artists copy; great artists steal"

-- Pablo Picasso		 Vote

57. "Whenever I date a guy, I think, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’”

-- Rita Rudner		 Vote

58. "The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."

-- Salvador Dali		 Vote

59. "Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans."

-- Conan O'Brien		 Vote

60. "Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought."

-- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi		 Vote

61. My top 10 favorite movies:

Requiem for a Dream, Voyage of the Damned, Chasing Amy, Bring It On, Imitation of Life, Lost in Translation, Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, Mon Oncle, The Blues Brothers, The Sorrow and the Pity		 Vote

62. "The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows."

-- Aristotle Onassis		 Vote

63. "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

-- Bertrand Russell		 Vote

64. "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

-- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943		 Vote

65. Brain Teaser:

There is a low railroad bridge in your town. One day you see a large truck stopped just before the underpass. When you ask what has happened, the driver tells you that his truck is one inch higher than the indicated height of the opening. This is the only road to his destination. What can he do to get through the underpass the easiest way?		 Website

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66. "My mother never breast fed me.She told me that she only liked me as a friend."

-- Rodney Dangerfield		 Vote

67. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

-- Dave Barry		 Vote

68. "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

-- Groucho Marx		 Vote

69. Historical Fact:

In 1893, Chicago hired its first police woman. Her name was Marie Owens. While the city was progressive in its hiring practices, Chicago's female police officers were not allowed to wear uniforms until 1956.		 Vote

70. "The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."

-- Mark Twain		 Vote

71. Strange Fact:

Dog owners in Turin, Italy can be fined up to $650 if they don't walk their dog at least three times a day.		 Vote

72. I paid $1 and all I got was to spread this shitty message to the world! Vote

73. "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

-- Albert Einstein		 Vote

74. "First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country."

-- George W. Bush, on the Kyoto accord, April 24, 2001		 Website

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75. "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it."

-- Thomas Jefferson		 Vote

76. World Record:

As of September 1998, the highest recorded mileage for a car was 1,615,000 miles for a 1966 Volvo P-1800.		 Vote

77. "Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left over by those who hustle."

-- Abraham Lincoln		 Vote

78. Strange Fact:

If you are standing on a mountain top and the conditions are just right you can see a lit match from 50 miles away.		 Vote

79. World Record:

In 1935, Jesse Owens set six track and field world records in less than one hour.		 Vote

80. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying.

-- Woody Allen		 Vote

81. Strange Fact:

Hailed as a wonder drug in the late nineteenth century, cocaine was outlawed in the United States in 1914.		 Vote

82. "I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter."

-- Steven Wright		 Vote

83. World Record:

At 12 years old, an African named Ernest Loftus made his first entry in his diary and continued everyday for 91 years.		 Vote

84. "I do not feel obliged to believe that same God who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect had intended for us to forgo their use."

-- Galileo Galilei		 Vote

85. "Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car."

-- Bill Bryson		 Vote

86. "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."

-- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)		 Vote

87. "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."

-- EE Cummings		 Vote

88. "A mind once stretched by new thoughts can never regain its original shape."

-- Albert Einstein		 Vote

89. I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.'
He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

-- Steven Wright		 Vote

90. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

-- Groucho Marx		 Vote

91. "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."

-- Groucho Marx		 Vote

92. "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes		 Vote

93. "I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again."

-- Noel Coward		 Vote

94. "I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty."

-- Nancy Reagan		 Vote

95. Historical Fact:

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.		 Vote

96. Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'

-- Steven Wright		 Website

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97. Strange Law:

In 1845 Boston had an ordinance banning bathing unless you had a doctor's prescription.		 Vote

98. Strange Law:

A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.		 Vote

99. "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth		 Vote

100. "A witty saying proves nothing."

-- Voltaire		 Vote
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